Ordering Coffee

I don't often order coffee when I go out, because I don't believe in paying an exorbitant price for what I can easily make at home. Nevertheless, since making aliyah, I have ordered coffee a handful of times, but until last week, I never did so successfully.

As Husbinator will happily explain, shortly after our marriage I went from never drinking coffee to being a coffee snob. You see, I had occasionally tried instant coffee (memorably described by an acquaintance as "caffeinated horse piss, but at least it's caffeinated") or Starbucks coffee (sour, burnt cigarette butts) and decided that if I ever needed caffeine, I'd rather just drink Pepsi Max. Then I joined a research group that had a Keurig coffee maker in the conference room. A Keurig coffee maker, no less, that was stocked with Green Mountain French Roast coffee. Mmmmmmmmm...

Sorry, I got distracted by remembering that coffee. I like bitter drinks: red wine, dark beer, strong coffee... Yum, yum, yum. Still distracted. What was I saying? Ah, yes, ordering coffee in Israel.

Right, so since making aliyah, I've tried various ways of ordering black coffee. No milk, no sugar, just a cup of good, strong coffee. I received something else every time: espresso (decent, but teeny tiny portions), weak coffee (why? just why???) coffee (if you let the sludge settle, it's palatable, but I don't want a drink that's reminiscent of Mark Twain's description of the Mississippi), and something that could very well have been instant coffee put through a percolator (I know that makes no sense, but neither did that beverage).

Then, last Friday, I ordered a hot breakfast and decided to get a coffee with it. As I glanced at the menu, I realized that I don't know when it happened, but I've known for a while exactly how to order this elusive coffee of mine, elegant in its simplicity.

The type of coffee I like is called, appropriately enough, an "Americano".