Mrs. Orna called me this morning, just to chat (I win the friendship lottery! Yes!!!), but since we both have Golan cell service and we're both in Adam, our conversation didn't stand a chance. The first time our phones cut us off, I decided to take my destiny in my own hands. "You shall not dictate my fate today, Golan!" I declared, and I popped in my car and drove up the hill and knocked on Mrs. Orna's door. Good stuff.
Later today, Mrs. Kornbluth convinced me to come to the monthly "ladies night" at her house. I am so glad she did: the "activity" was a lecture from a wise and wonderful lady, and she really helped me get my head back in order.
I've recently come to the terrifying realization that I don't know what I want anymore. You see, I spent the last eight years or so with exactly one overarching goal: I wanted to move to Israel. I can honestly say that every major decision I made was made in the light of how it would affect getting back home. And now I'm here, and that's great, but it just occurred to me that, well, now what? What do I want now? I mean, I'd kind of like to find a job, and I'd really like to own a house one day, but these seem like piddling little puddle-jumper goals compared to "Moving to Israel at Last."
Something in the lecture tonight (I don't know what) jiggled the contents of me just so, and I realized that the answer is ridiculously simple: I just want to be happy. I can't be fully happy if I'm not living in Israel, so I moved to Israel. Now that I'm here, I don't need to find something completely new to want. It's just that now I get to arrange the littler pieces. I want to have a good relationship with people and G-d. (Yeah, I just called that "little pieces.") I would like to own a house at some point. And I either want to find a job or declare myself a housewife: this looking and not finding sucks. I should just look more actively, but... Anyway. That's details. At least I'm not drifting anymore.
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